Found the nose dots

I woke up this morning, turned on my light, and thought I saw an extra large black fly drop on the bedside table. No such luck, lying there in front of me was one of those jumping spiders, the same species that you see stuck to your screen door at the height of summer. Although this one was more furry, plain black and quite a bit larger. It was almost cute, if it had been a hamster. The only thing I am terrified of is a spider. I have become more tolerant as I get older, and I am not the kind of girl who, instead of killing them, is so afraid that she puts drinking glasses on them while waiting for her husband to get home from work so he can do the ugly deed of the squish. (Someone told me about a friend who actually did that). No. I just scream like crazy and flail my arms. The only thing that I had to annihilate the spider with, was a tube of moisturizer (kill it with collagen) and a picture of my mother in law (teehee), in the woods near Bayfield Ontario. I was nice, I flipped the picture over, and tried to get it, no avail, started flinging the moisturizer at it, and unfortunately, the fucker got behind my table. I moved the table out, and it had gone. Meanwhile, the kids heard me speaking (more like howling) in tongues. (Clare, you remember that time on the couch. . .I was trying to communicate to you in tongues and wild hand gestures, when you had a spider on your shoulder that looked like it was made out of coat hangers?) Yep, those noises. So anyhow, I went downstairs, and came back up with some wet wipes, not conventional spider killing material, but they work. I thought I saw it (my contacts weren't in), I aimed and went in for the kill. Now, I realize that I MUST have grazed the spider, and hopefully mortally wounded it. Or at least poked the damn thing in one of it's eight eyes, heck it has extras. But I couldn't find any remnants or any evidence of a partial squish on the wet wipe. So, up the stairs comes the Shop Vac, and five hours (yes, a bit fanatical), 43 of my husbands cheapo earplugs (on his bedside table), and two nose dots later, I find myself sans spider. It was too big to just evaporate. I hope it is in the vacuum. But. . .I also know that I have to empty the darn thing. I may have sucked up Adam's uber earplugs that went missing this summer, after he inadvertently tried to burn them. (Adam had some allergies, and had his earplugs along with his tissues in his pocket. . .he threw them into the simmering wood stove, and forgot about them, then realizing what he had done, my father saved the earplugs, and recalibrated (for lack of a better word) them. They had a valve on them. Dad also used the air compressor to blow them out). Adam had received special earplugs from work, that slip right into the ear canal. They are electric blue and look like an old school hearing aid. They are hilarious, and compounded by the fact that his is forced to sleep with his anti bruxism grinding appliance, arm splints and ear plugs, he looks like a real stud. It is possible that these earplugs may be in the vacuum with the spider. I will leave it for him to deal with. Gosh, what a day. I have all 5 of my Vintage Coleman Lanterns, and 7 Coleman stoves on hand, in case of the ice / snow storm that we may have. (My brother says I am "hoarding", but I think he is a tad jealous)~~~("What are you gonna do, try to light up Blyth? Have a cookout with the town when you have a power failure") Too bad I forgot to get fuel. Also, I am trying to heat 2000 square feet with my tempwood airtight downdraft. That is how the spider hitched a ride. . .on the slab wood. I am not even going to spell check or go over this entry until later. I have to search for that spider.