Gimme Back My Chompers

This lovely gem was found at http://www.cbc.ca/ under diversions. Of course I quoted the whole passage, and gave the link. Can you imagine a bar brawl where someone steals the other person's dentures? Just the idea of reaching into someones toothy orifice is amazing, but in a fight, it wouldn't be that easy. The man was head locked and must have been either yowling in pain, or yelling obscenities, and then the perp, reached in to remove them. That is my theory, yowling in pain or the obscenity part, because, you wouldn't be yawning during a bar fight. My only question is why didn't Billie Townsend bite back? Maybe, just maybe he just didn't have enough adhesive? I also get a kick out of this because these two men are around the age of my parents. Not that I am saying my parents are old, because as we all know, sixty is the new forty, but, it just seems funny. http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070921/K092106AU.html "Man charged with stealing false teeth from another's mouth during fight Published: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:10 AM ET Canadian Press: THE ASSOCIATED PRESS YORKTOWN, Ind. - A man accused of snatching another man's false teeth straight from his mouth during a fight has been charged with robbery. Robert Stahl, 62, was charged Thursday in Delaware Circuit Court with felony robbery and battery causing bodily injury, a misdemeanour. If convicted of robbery, he could face two to eight years in prison. Billie Townsend, 56, told police he went to a bar on July 27 to pay Stahl money he owed him, then Stahl asked him to go outside and started punching him repeatedly. During the fight, Stahl allegedly put Townsend in a headlock and removed his false teeth. "He said, 'You ain't getting these back,"' Townsend told police. Stahl did not attend Thursday's hearing and prosecutors did not seek a warrant for his arrest. Another hearing was scheduled for Oct. 22. © The Canadian Press, 2007"

Stinky

There is an almost inaudible squeak coming from somewhere in my house. I have no idea where it is coming from, it could be from the scary basement. Anyhoooooooooooooooo. This morning I went to take a bath, when I smelled the most horrific smell. Cat piss. The only thing I ask of my dear husband is to change the litter of the Sister Fats. Those cats are morbidly obese, and I am not very close to them. All they do is try and trip me if their kibble bowls are not filled and drag around howling monkeys, which I step on and then scream. They have absolutely no utility. Their corpulent bellies drag on the ground, they mewl and loll around. They do not eat mice, they do not keep my feet warm at night, on the contrary, they bite my feet. So when I went up to sit my bum in the tub, and smelled the rancid smell of urine, I was not impressed. I cleaned and sanitized their lavatory, but it was begrudgingly, and simultaneously was trying to stifle the gag reflex. When I woke up today I had a jingle from Church Camp (bad experience, which I will rant about at some point). "McDonalds is your kind of place Hamburgers in your face French fries up your nose Dill pickles between your toes Lord I want my money back Before I have a heart attack At McDonalds They do it all to you" I can't get it out of my head.

"SpAnding Time"

Right now, as I sit, balancing peanut butter and honey on toast on my lap, yelling at the dogs "no humping!", and drinking my coffee, I am waiting for a set of keys to be cut. I ran down to the local hardware store, to pick up more rollers (still painting), and get some keys cut for the new tenant. I also ran down to the local newspaper, to have the lease photocopied. Normally, I would avoid the newspaper, after turning down a job there, but I didn't want to have to drive a half an hour West to get six pages of legal jargon copied. So, I mustered up all my guts and stopped in. Normally, I would have avoided the business like the plague, because I felt guilty about turning down the job. I really cannot say that they were flashing their smiles when I toddled in, but, I just needed my stuff copied, and I don't particularily care if I got a welcoming reception. Not that I was waiting for applause or cheers. So now, I am trying to fill in some time before I pick up the keys, and some more caulk. I need the PL stuff, honestly, if you are re-doing a bathroom, chuck the regular silicone and get the stuff that says PL. You won't regret it, and you can thank me later. Oh, as a side note it is International Speak Like a Pirate Day. So mateys, slap on yer eye patches, watch your starboard and riggin, and tie some knots.

Kathy Griffin - Ask a Gay Dad

I love this youtube response :) Sums the whole thing up.

Kathy Griffin Disses Jesus

This has been floating around for a while. I personally do not find this offensive. If a person can go up and thank Jesus for an award, why can't she non-thank him? In my opinion, the woman has guts, and is absolutely fantastic.

What is the most stupid purchase I have ever made? It's probably the bouncy thing in my backyard. Thinking that I was doing the kids a favour, so they didn't stand at the sidewalk watching the other neighbours happily bouncing away. The kids don't get along, but after a few months of watching them stare creepily across the road at the "jumping beans", we purchased a trampoline with the safety net enclosure. It was around 300 dollars, which would have been better spent on an electrician. Have they run home from school full of excitement to use the thing? No. Have they injured themselves on it? Yes. Have I injured myself? A definite yes. As a clumsy person, I don't mix well with springy things or bungee cords. "They are thinking of banning them", someone mentioned to me. Kind of like all those really cool climbers that we had as kids, the metal domes and such. Kids are going to hurt themselves no matter what type of equipment they are on. Trampolines, have increased childhood injuries, there is no doubt about that. I am not disputing that I may have a ticking time bomb in my back yard. My one concern is for neighbouring kids, who may want a quick bounce and end up breaking their necks, with or without my permission. Which brings me to my other issue, we had the utility guy come out and spray paint our yard, now, with all the rain, the dots are beginning to fade so I went outside, with my daughter to find the bloody dots, and reapply the paint. Two years ago, the guy came out and marked my yard, but the dots disappeared within days. I STILL DON'T HAVE A FENCE. We have the materials, but I don't think it would be safe for me to use a post hole digger all by myself. That would be about as smart as me riding a bicycle. I don't ride bicycles, and I hate when they are on the road. (If you check out my link on the left hand side of the screen, at the South Bruce Peninsular, it kind of ties in with my posting tonight). I don't ride my bike because it says ASAMA, almost like OSAMA, and I would really like to repaint my terrorist bicycle. Adam says "I shouldn't worry about it", but to me, it's a bit embarrassing to be riding on a bike that reminds me of the Taliban. Plus I have no balance, and if I was to invest in a wheeled non motorized thing again, it would be a trike. Three wheels for me would make all the difference. And maybe a big plastic dome, with some caution lights and flags. I would request a orange vest and a reflective helmet. You just can't be too safe. I forget my point tonight, other than the one that is on my head.

Cold

I am freezing, today it's a high of 13, low tonight 4. Long johns are in the mix today. When I expire, I hope to be buried in my long johns. Tibbles has a cold, she is coughing like crazy. This is what I despise about the school year, illness. If I could send my children to school in sealed hamster balls, I would. This week, since Adam has been on holidays, he was privy to seeing the morning routine. He found it odd that I would watch the kids walk to school, and wave to them from the window. They wave from the opposite side of the street, and it's almost like their arms and hands are mechanized. It's the auto-wave. They look straight ahead, quickly glimpsing if I am at the window, and raise their arms until they don't see me anymore. I don't think it's that odd, it's a bit of a tradition, in the mornings, we would wave my Dad off to work, and then my Mom would wave us off to school.

Holy Flaming Johnny On The Spot

W.B. and I set out on a walk tonight, as it was a perfect night for cardiovascular endeavours. As we started up the hill, W.B. interrupted my oration with "IS THAT JOHNNY ON THE SPOT ON FIRE?" It was smoking, and we weren't sure with the cool weather if someone was in "mid-success" and the smoke was actually steam, or if it was actually smoke from combustion. After surveying the port-a-potty from a short distance, we decided to walk swiftly to a neighbouring home to alert the home owner to call 911. It was an emergency. We strolled back to the scene and got a little closer, and we heard a very odd sound, we didn't want to get too close, just in case the Crapper decided to blow. Noxious fumes were inhaled, and we backed up a little bit. We were trying NOT to laugh. I said we should look serious when the proper authorities arrived, otherwise, they would think we set it. W.B. instructed me not to look at her, otherwise we would be convulsing by the time the firefighters arrived. We did not want a replay of the Killdeer Chronicles. Soon, the fire trucks arrived, bells dinging, and sirens wailing! A very quick response, indeed, we were very impressed. It is amazing how fast the response time is here, it is an amazing volunteer force. The fire was put out swiftly, efficiently, and very professionally. Way to go Firefighters! Edit: Since I have a habit lately of having a hard time speaking, (finding my words) something really stupid flew out of my mouth last night. When the firefighters came over to ask us questions, one said "Lisa, what were you doing?", I replied something lame, but then Wookie, decided to act a bit strange. I apologized and said "This is the first time she has seen firefighters in their costumes". . . How absolutely moronic, instead of saying"gear" or "outfits" or "accouterments" I said COSTUMES. Also, since I have a really hard time recognizing people, I had no idea who he was. I had to ask W.B. afterwards, and felt even more ridiculous, since I should have recognized him. Now I feel like I have insulted yet another group of people. When I woke up this morning, I looked like I had been hexed with a case of the "pox" (hmmm. . .it's possible), two zits. One right between my eyebrows, and one centered on my chin. It, as my husband so lovingly observed, "looks like you have a labrette piercing". Since I was not in a good mood, I lovingly retorted "looks like you need a dose of Fuck Off", and then we laughed like crazy. Ya, a great start to my day. I have an "event" to go to tomorrow, and I look wretched.

Thanks

I am all for free speech, really, I think everyone has the inherent right to speak whatever they want. This does not assume that there is not repercussion on the whole free speech ideal. I got an earfull, deserved it BUT, it was the way that it happened that irritated me. This week, a part of my blog was deemed offensive and derogatory to a certain group, who then without my permission, took my words and used them, without my prior knowledge. Now, if they had asked me, I would have said, "sure use part of the post" or maybe I would have said, "please don't use part of my post." At least I would have been given the opportunity to say "oui" or "non." I do have a disclaimer which is blatant and visible, but obviously not worth the keystrokes they were tapped with. The two posts in question this week, have been on my blog for a while, and really, no one ever gave much thought to them (and actually by viewing my stats, they weren't popular pages). They were, I admit, sarcastic and judgemental but, and the big BUT, is that they were my words. If there was a problem with what I was saying, I would have appreciated, someone from this radical feminist group shoot me a quick email, rather than auto-quote me. I took the posts down, as I felt that "hmmm, maybe there could be some truth to what they were saying." I am not disputing that they were at times correct in their estimation of my prose. At the time of writing the posts, I found them funny. The same way I find Tom Cruise an idiot, I feel that this bunch, although I did zero in on one in particular, was more irritating than Tom or S.J. Parker. Here's a short list of other irritating, nauseating people, and it is well balanced, and these are people who are in the spotlight, people who jump on couches, people who put themselves out there for public opinion and what it ensues, I could be mean, and make fun of them right now, but I am not in the mood. This list is not exclusive, and could be changed at any time : Tom Cruise Katie Holmes George Bush Stephen Harper Dr. Phil Janice Dickinson Mr. Rogers Rosie O’Donnell Brian Mulroney Me (I make fun of myself all the time, not that I am in the spotlight, but in just writing, I assume that someone out there could label me an "idiot", "moronic" or just an "asshole"). Yet I was not posting as a feminist, and certainly my intent was not to be anti-female. I am certainly not "radical." I don't see a problem with a guy opening a door for me, really, I won't kick them in the junk. I don't have a problem with "men" in general. I like men. I have a problem with people. To me, people in general are a problem. It is not gender based, it is not culture based, it is not ethnicity based, location based, sexual preference based or based on if you have webbed feet. To me, everyone is equal, but if you make a public spectacle of yourself, and are actively promoting something that I don't agree with or find nauseating, I should be able to comment on it, satire it, or write sarcastically, or hyper imaginatively. The group in question had every right to comment on my blog, but not to take things without my knowledge, sure link to it, but don't take my words via the "cut and copy train." I don't quote people without their knowledge, and I expect the same respect of other Bloggers or Internet posters. I think, for me, my feminism is actually a mixture of a bunch of stuff. I enjoy the liberties of freedom of choice. I am very Pro-Choice, but I do have my limits. Meaning I don't think it is a great idea to go out and have an abortion every week, I don't feel that mass procreation should be idealized either. My pendulum swings in the middle, even though to some, this may seem hypocritical. I think certain kinds of porn are actually liberating. I am really glad that there is emergency contraceptives, and even more happy that contraception is legal. Not for myself, but for others. I am very glad that women have been active and have made these things like voting, owning property, and divorce, available to all in my country. I am glad that I do not have to ask my husband for permission to have my fallopian tubes twisted into a bowline knot. I am glad to be able to wear slacks and not have my dress getting caught in my shoelaces, should I choose not to wear a frock. Thanks y'all! And if you don't like the content, as my disclaimer reads. . . go elsewhere, comment or e mail me. But thanks for the bit of enlightenment and for the women and men before me, who made it "okay" to speak my mind.

"Hey, Delilah/Miss Carolina" - MUSIC VIDEO!!!

I had this sent to me, it makes me giggle like a school girl.

Plop

It has been a stressful few weeks (nothing new, the same old irritations, folded in a new way), and it just seems like if it doesn't rain, it pours. As I look out my window, it is POURING! I have some pathetic fallacy happening. Ain't life grand? I suppose, although, my perennials are already pooched, the rain may help for next year, it's just too little, too late. So I haven't been writing much, and this post is not going to be fantastic. We are still working next door, and tomorrow we have to get a replacement window for the one that was smashed. I don't know how it happened, but it did. No interesting story to report, no dramatic cosmic ride nor fuzz ridden tale. We may have an interested prospective tenant, a few to be exact. Who ever puts down the first deposit wins, and if their references turn out okay, then swell. It would be a huge relief, financially, and hopefully we get some nice ones. I did manage to eat some paint, nothing new with that, I am always splatting, and getting stuff in my eyes, or nose. . . I actually rolled over a cricket in my paint. It left brown marks on the white trim. Yes, we are infested with crickets (outside). I bought a few vintage wool blankets, to continue my rug hooking, and I have to cut them. I feel actually guilty about cutting them up. They are vintage, and I don't like to screw with things of age. It bugs me to no end when people paint old furniture or strip things that shouldn't be stripped, or smash china that isn't flawed. It's like my "don't fuck with nature" mantra that walking buddy keeps reminding me of. Don't try and save a Killdeer's egg, because you might just drop it while transporting it, because you have a juicy case of hyperhydrosis of the hands. Even though, all the while, you are talking to the screaming, frantic mother bird "it's okay, I am just moving your egg off the road so it doesn't get squished". Then crying and laughing so hard when it drops and your hope is lost; (because you are so sad you killed something while trying to save it, but simultaneously you have a nervous tic that causes you to laugh when something bad happens) that you pee your pants halfway through your power walk. Then have to hide your "oops" by sticking your legs together and hoping nobody, including your crying and laughing walking buddy, notices, but you are walking like a speedy circus freak. Or the "quick "walking buddy" throw the weights!" as you are being chased by a vicious Jack Russell Terrier. Oh crap, I can't write anymore, there is thunder and lightning and I don't want my computer to explode.

Lullaby

My husband said "this video is for you honey". I replied "Are you trying to disturb me?" It's enough that it's Robert Smith, but the spider stuff, just great. Thanks Honey Bunch.

Thresher Pics

All my comments are not corresponding to the pictures. Just pretend it's a puzzle, and try and figure them out. I wonder if they would loan out the Erie Steam Shovel to me, so we could dig our post holes. Little tractors. I thought this was interesting. It is amazing that these things have been preserved. Erie Steam Shovel, it shows the write up in the pic below. This is a picture of some railroad tracks that were set up. I liked the sausage. Crowds. More crowds. These were old people threshing. It was so hot, I am suprised no one fainted. There was absolutely no shade. Here are more pics of threshing stuff. I don't know the exact names of the machines or what you would call them, but it was interesting to watch.

Thresher's Reunion . . .

My how the time slips through your fingers. Thresher's seemed to be a great success this year, although Crystal Chandeliers is embedded in my frontal lobe. There was a lot of fiddling and dancing. From the porch we watched a poor bloke fall over the fence and bump his noggin, helped an old lady who fell down, and just watched the thousands of passersby. I'll post some pictures of the steam stuff up, not that I am that interested in tractors and threshing machines BUT, it is pretty cool that these machines are still working, and the families are still dragging this machinery around, and keeping them in prime condition. The history is what interests me.

Dance, Monkeys, Dance by Ernie Cline

This is a really neat video that was sent to me. Very interesting and thought provoking. Love it.

Blazing Saddles

This is me, tired, not of love, but of domesticity.

Blazing Saddles - Beanfest

After people eat the beef on a bun.

LMAO